So *That's* Why I'm Tired!

So.

I've been exhausted for months. Like going to bed with BD#5 while DH is putting the older kids down at 9-9:30pm. And sleeping all night. But. But I have 5 kids (9 -> 1) and over the summer (while on a big road trip) I had to buy a cheap drug store knock off of my prenatal vitamins AND my iron supplement. So I figured this tiredness was just my iron getting low.

Then there was the breast pain. But BD#5 is nearing 2yo and really only nursing at nap & bed-time. And traditionally when my littles nurse that infrequently my supply starts drying up. Plus I've been having a lot of dehydration headaches recently, so I figured I just wasn't drinking enough to keep my supply up.

Than about a month ago I started having to get up to pee every couple of hours all night. THAT should have told me something was up but I wrote it off in conjunction with the nursing--just dehydration. I'd wake up wicked thirsty, drink 16 oz of water & then go right back to sleep. Get up to pee an hour and a half later (thirsty again so I'd drink another bunch of water all at once) & then go back to sleep.

"The Denial is Strong with This One!!"  LOLOL

So I've been complaining about all of this to FGM & she's been taunting me about being pregnant. Especially since I haven't had my period since mid-July. But. I typically run 49 day cycles. I'm never freaked out about "being late"--my cycles are too irregular for that kind of uptight-ness. But I'd finally gotten tired of her bugging me and was going to buy & take a test just to get her off my back.

Tuesday night the 14th October I was at Bible study and one of the gals had brought fresh salsa. Could NOT get enough of it. So I changed up the "buy a pg. test from CVS on the way home" plan a bit. Stop at the grocery store & buy all the stuff for salsa & . . . and buy a pg. test. So here I am at home like 11:30 pm in the kitchen chopping veggies for this salsa. And it hits me. I DO NOT LIKE FRESH TOMATOES!!

And my brain goes like this: "Sh*t, sh*t, SH*T!! I. Am. Pregnant!" I didn't even have to take the test. I knew.

((Because back in '04 someone had given me a case of Clamato juice (which is pretty much tomato flavored), and I'd liked it. Drank whole 48oz bottles at a rate of one per day. A week later DH and I were flying up to Canada for a family reunion. And I had tomato juice on the plane for all 4 flights, and in the restaurant in O'Hare during layovers both coming and going. But I don't like plain tomato juice. At. all. ?!? 

After that trip, I was having coffee with one of my girlfriends and telling her about the tomato weirdness. And she tells me to go take a pg. test. Remember, DH and I had been married almost 7 years by that point. No b.c. and no babies. Why was taking a pg. test her first reaction to me suddenly liking tomato juice?? Because she remembered her mom in the grocery store saying she was craving tomatoes, wanting to eat tomato soup out of the can right there in the grocery store--while she was pregnant with my gf's little brother. So I bought a pg. test on the way home that day & sure enough "Big fat positive!" the next morning.))

Anyway, when it hit me Tuesday night 2 weeks ago that I was *craving* fresh tomatoes, I knew the gig was up. No getting out of it, I was pregnant. Didn't even need to wait for FMU to take the test. So I took the test in the middle of making salsa. Thing turned up positive before the control window even showed up. Really, really positive. Makes sense considering LMP was July 20th, but still. Oh, and I ate about half of that 6 cup bowl of fresh salsa that night/morning, *and* now FGM is calling BD#6 "Tomato" LOL

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Told DH while we were out for our (17th) anniversary dinner at The Melting Pot on the 17th. And he's all happy. Haven't told the kids yet, but probably will soon as I'm thinking about saying something at the church's ladies day retreat this coming Saturday the 7th. We don't tell the kids til the last possible second before we tell the rest of the world. Secret keepers they are not. Of course BD#2 (our only girl) told me all of 3 or 4 weeks ago that she doesn't want me to have any more babies. "I have enough brothers, and if I had a baby sister I'd have to share my toys!!" She'll forgive me. Eventually. She does like little kids so she'll come around.

I'm doing better on the full blown shock & panic front. Doesn't usually take me more than a couple of weeks (and it hasn't this time either), I'm just not usually this far into a pregnancy before I find out!! Because LMP was way back mid-July and I just found out mid-October, I *really* wanted an ultrasound to try & pin down EDD. Of course, the earlier you have an ultrasound, the more accurate dating estimates are. Because of some early complications with BD#1's pregnancy (10 years ago), I've had all of my previous ultrasounds done at the local high-risk maternal-fetal place. And I REALLY wanted to go back there again--they have my records, and the Dr, because he deals with high-risk women for a living, is very non-alarmist and generally great to work with. But expensive. And my family Dr (who is also my OB for the things the midwives aren't allowed to do) has just retired from obstetrics. But I called him anyway to see if he could write a referral for me to go back to the m-f place. Never heard back from him.

Thankfully one of the gals I go to Bible study with works at a local women's center (primarily crisis pregnancy/abortion recovery services). They do ultrasounds. So went Monday (this week, the 27th) and had one done. Free.  By LMP my due date is April 26th. By ultrasound measurements EDD is May 9th, but BPM (fetal heart rate) puts EDD at May 2nd. So. Yeah.   Most likely sometime early May. That means no MommyBlogger retreat for me for sure!! :-( Good excuse tho!!  As much as I prefer home-birthing, I really *don't* want to give birth out of state!!

For some reason, this pregnancy has really triggered me. Mostly to do with finances (we're broke), the ultrasound Monday (my last one was the day BD#3 was born), and some freakish parallels to a previous pregnancy.   But. Have to say, my meeting with my midwife Thursday morning was a *big* BIG help.  I had been texting with her on Wednesday (about setting up a pre-natal appt for Thursday) and asked her if she would be able to give us any kind of discount. I mean, this will be the 5th kid we've used her services for--it's worth asking, right?!!  She replied and asked how steep a discount we needed. Well . . .   I told her I didn't have the nerve to ask for "free" because I know she has expenses involved and partners to pay but . . .

We're beyond broke.  We've been living on a shoe-string for years--Thank you Republican state gov't that decides to balance the state budget by not giving state employees raises, and by raiding their health insurance premium kitties, and intentionally underestimating the cost-of-living increases (so they don't have to give raises commensurate to rising expenses), and, and, and.    We bring home the same thing now that we did in '08. 6 years ago.  I tell you, the cost of living has risen just a little bit in those same 6 years.  And we have 3 more kids now than we did then. So yeah. I'm tired of living on a shoestring because of health insurance premiums and then insurance refusing to pay a penny for my midwives. Of course the midwives' counter is that by the time I pay deductibles and co-pays, I've payed as much as their fees are anyway . . . which is true. But. If I wind up needing to transfer care at the last minute (as happened with BD#3) then *everything* comes out of pocket--because none of the pre-natal care provided by the midwives applies toward our deductibles. *Anyway*

Needless to say, I've been stewing about delivery costs.   The point I'd arrived at by Wednesday when I was texting with her was . . . Well, it's kind of like cutting off our noses to spite our face, but I'd rather run the entire pregnancy through the insurance company (and make them pay for something for once) than owe money to our friends.  Just. Not. Interested. in owing money to our midwives. If she couldn't offer us a price that we can afford (which would have to be a *significant* discount to her usual fees), then we'd just run the entire pregnancy through our insurance company. Which means finding a new OB for me. At 40. Overweight. Grand multi-para. All kinds of fun!!

So I heard from my MW early Thursday morning that she did have an opening & to come on in. Had my initial prenatal visit with her & we finally got around to discussing finances at the very end. After my BP tested high. She said she'd be willing to do my pre-natal care/delivery for . . . . (And then she swore me to secrecy. I told her I wouldn't tell anyone in her potential client base.) ;-)   I had a figure in mind to offer (which left a little room for counter-offer wiggling) and a firm price above which we just cannot go. And the price she quoted me was exactly that. Precisely all we can afford. But we can, and she is willing to take us on for that price.  Seriously, I cried pretty much all the way back to the house.

Annnnnd . . . Cute little bottles full of new-born baby head smells for anyone who made it through that^^^.