Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Grace-based parenting questions

Following is an excerpt from a letter/response I exchanged with a new friend a while back:

<<<"Tedd Tripp's _Shepherding a Child's Heart_. Ever read it?"
Um... I bought it at a consignment sale last year for .50! Did I pay too much?? I haven't actually read it yet. Skimmed here and there. Some of what he says sounds like how my folks raised me, some doesn't. (Not that how I was raised is any kind of golden standard, just what I'm most familiar with.) I haven't read enough to form an opinion. In your opinion is it worth reading for the chicken while spitting bones, or is it all skin & bones??

"Tim Kimmel's _Grace-Based Parenting_ is very good."
Agreed. Borrowed it from a friend a year or so ago. Liked it. My only "gripe" with Kimmel was (at least that book) seemed to be geared more toward the parents of older kids/teens... while I'm in the infants and toddlers group. I agree with the lion's share of what Kimmel said, but how do I go about *applying* that kind of grace to my 2 year old??? Which is what I'm trying to ask when I say "How different do those two (you don't expect your children to obey you, you expect them to obey God) look when dealing with a 1-2 year old??" IOW, if it's NOT "first time, every time, with a happy face" then what IS it?

I tend to be a black & white, very concrete stick in the mud kind of thinker. LOL (I.e. I own Ezzo--bought him on recommendation from a friend at church. And Pearl--a gift. Shaking your head yet?? Note I only said I own them, not that they own me! ;-) ) I see the "ease of mom's life" that following their behaviour modification techniques could bring, but I also see the adversarial relationship that their "techniques" can foster/encourage between parent and child. The main thing that I'm *really* attracted to in their books is the "Do these three things & you'll have X result." ((Man, that sounds like indy-fundy speak doesn't it?!))

So maybe I'm not as far down this road toward understanding grace as I'd like to think I am. I can function with a list of rules & regs, and happen to be pretty darn good at flying under the radar. I *like* the law... at least insofar as I know what's expected of me. *rolls eyes* >>>

Somehow I think this is antithetical to grace, but are there any spelled out "this is hands-on _how_ you parent in grace" books out there??? I can give mental assent to the fact that we were raised (sincerely) wrongly, but my little OCD mind really likes a check-list. Harrumph!! It's like I can kinda see what's wrong (with me, with the system we grew up in, etc.), but I'm still not really "getting it." **sighs**

Dh and I have been discussing this topic (grace) off and on over the last few years...
Since '02 when (depending on your theology) I got saved (or "rededicated") and realized the theological framework that most accurately describes/accounts for my personal experience with the Gospel is a Reformed one...
Since our son was born in '05 and we started thinking (much more seriously) about raising another generation in the "nurture and admonition of the Lord"...
Since '06 when Gothard's definition of grace started showing up in sermons at our church (Grace: God's enabling power to do His will!?!?!??)...
Since dh resigned from an 11 year career in law enforcement...
Since.................... Yea. Since!!

We've decided that we need to sit down with our Bibles and study grace for ourselves. *grins* 'Cause if we don't "get it" for ourselves, we'll never be able to adequately teach/show it to our kids. So... yea.... "That topic" is on the table again. Grace. Beautiful thing, isn't it??

Friday, September 14, 2007

Be Warned...

... a post is coming... eventually.

No.... really.... maybe *this* weekend... <.< >.>